Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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