Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
