so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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