We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
