OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
