Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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