Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
