If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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