Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You ruined the universe
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
