My room smells like vodka and shame
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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