Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
