he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
