Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
