I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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