i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
