im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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