If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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