she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
