Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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