you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
