Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
