i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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