Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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