God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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