Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
