Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
