If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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