This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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