All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was confusing and full of hummus
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
