i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
