The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
