I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
