Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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