Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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