about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
