wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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