no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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