i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
