fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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