Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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