So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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