there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
