i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
