Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
