Ketchup is God's man juice
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
