Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
