your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
