The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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