dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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