he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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