I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she smelled like a LAN party
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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